The Wait

31 Oct

I feel like my life is on hold.

I feel like time is moving too fast and standing still, all at the same time.

I feel like I have never been busier in my life and yet it seems like I am doing nothing of value in that busyness.

We drive to preschool, to dance, to work, to the grocery store and home again. The feeling is always there. It never leaves my mind, my heart, my soul.

Beach Bums

I have thrown myself into projects connected to my friends and the beautiful country so far away and still so close to my heart. These things bring me great joy and we are excited for the opportunities ahead, but this does not silence the aching.

I exercise. I eat. I have a glass of wine. I play with my girls. I pray. I talk to others about my feelings. I go out and live my life.

Color Me Rad 2013

Nothing helps.

I continue to research, preparing myself for what might be.

A Little Light Reading

I set new goals and work towards them, but honestly, only halfheartedly a this point.

I did it.....

My heart longs to return to Africa. I long to meet this precious child. To hold her in my arms. To tell her how much I love her. To call her my own.

I could barely type that sentence because it is painful and terrifying to admit to these feelings and to have them live outside of my body.

When we set out on this adoption journey Cupcake was only 5 months old. We knew that we wanted more children and The Lord had spoken to us very clearly about adoption. We also knew that this process was not going to lead us to a child over night. We had heard stories of people waiting for years to see an adoption completed. We were aware of what might lay ahead of us.

But I lied to myself. “We will be different. Ours won’t take as long. We are special”. I may not have voiced those feelings, but I am an eternal optimist and desperately wanted to believe that God would work this miracle according to my schedule. I honestly believed at the beginning of this year that 2013 would be the year of the baby! I was sure that by now we would be home with our three girls, planning for a holiday season full of new joy and love. But this no longer seems possible. Of course God does not bend to the will of humanity and I know this, but the waiting…..

It is hard. It feels like it will never end.

But, the sun comes up everyday and sets every night. I get up and make it through each day. I find joy in the little things and rejoice in the miracles found in other people’s lives. And I wait.

I wait for a breakthrough. I wait for a phone call, an email, anything. I wait for a miracle.

At this point, I covet your prayers. Please pray with us for this miracle. I don’t know what else to do except to pray.

Many well meaning people ask us if there is any news and this question breaks my heart. I wish that there were news. I wish that we could shout it from the rooftops. I wish that we were boarding a plane tomorrow to meet our precious babe. But there is not and we are not. We continue to wait.

As much as this post was necessary for me to write to update you on our story and to vent my emotions, it is a bit of a downer, yes? I know that there is hope. I know that there is a promise for our family. I know that there is an end to the waiting. This will happen and The Lord knows when. Until then, I wait.

Life has a way....

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Cupcake Tattoos ~ Chapter Three

27 Aug

As I prepare to head in tomorrow for some new ink (nope, still not a cupcake!) I thought it might be time to share some more delicious cupcakey tattoos!

 

Cupcakey Sleeves

A Full Cupcake Sleeve

Footy Cupcakes

Pretty Cupcake Perfection

Bling Cupcake

Bright colours, jewels and skulls? I’m sold!

Found any cupcake tattoo inspiration you want to share? Let me know! I can’t get enough of these beauties 🙂

Country Wedding Cupcakes

25 Aug

Remember when I use to write about cupcakes? And the name of my blog made sense? Yeah, me either. But around here we do still love cupcakes with all of our hearts and I definitely still make cupcakes for almost every occasion we attend.

This last weekend J-Sauce and I had the privilege of watching one of my childhood friends exchange vows with the love of her life. To add to this special day, I was asked to bake all of the bride and groom’s favourite flavours into some delicious cupcakes and wedding cake. This was a first for me. And while I was extremely honored, I was also slightly terrified.

So I set to work over two days to create 100 cupcakes in three unique flavours.

Chocolate Sour Cream with Peanut Butter Frosting

Lemon with Pink Lemonade Cream Cheese Frosting

Coconut with Lime Cream Cheese Frosting

I think they turned out alright. And while I do wish to continue to build my skills in decorating and presentation, they did all taste amazing! That’s the most important thing, right? Here’s a quick look at the finished product!

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Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. W! Thank you so much for allowing us to be apart of your special day. Wishing you a life of happiness, joy, love and cupcakes!

Does this mean I’m open for business now? Who knows. But I sure do love cupcakes!

Day Five

28 May

Forgive me for not posting last night. We had the wonderful fortune of spending the evening with some lovely friends and did not make it back to our lodging until late. I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. We had a fantastic evening!

Because most of our intense adoption meetings are behind us, J-Sauce and I get to just be tourists and extra pairs of hands where ever we are needed. So Tuesday was Safari Day!! Yay animals in Africa. We went to The Lion and Cheetah Park…. where they have no Cheetahs.

Taking a look.

Taking a look.

Om nom nom, cow butt.

Om nom nom, cow butt.

Going for a little walk.

Going for a little walk.

Really big birds with attitude.....

Really big birds with attitude…..

Hello, I'm an Eland.

Hello, I’m an Eland.

Big kitties, big turtles.

Big kitties, big turtles.

Friends and Turtles, that's pretty cool.

Friends and Turtles, that’s pretty cool.

Ya know, just petting a lion, no big deal.

Ya know, just petting a lion, no big deal.

Nice kitty, kitty.....

Nice kitty, kitty…..

Someone is waaaay more brave than I.

Someone is waaaay more brave than I.

Just taking a little snooze.

Just taking a little snooze.

Literally only five feet away!!

Literally only five feet away!!

After our adventure in the wild, we went for coffee at the least African place possible, just to change things up 😉

Its like we were meant to be here.

Its like we were meant to be here.

Then was dinner and a lot of laughs. It was so nice to have a day to relax and truly enjoy our surroundings and new friends. And tomorrow is another day with more adventure waiting for us! Thanks again for checking in 🙂

Day Four

27 May

Today was a good day.

We had more meetings regarding our adoption this morning, all of which went much better than we had expected. This is a good and positive sign…..

BUT….

We’re not finished yet. It is difficult because I am not at liberty to discuss a good portion of the process we are currently going through or as to why it seems to be so tricky to navigate. But things are looking up and for this we are thankful.

We are so appreciative of all your kind words and prayers. I truly felt as though an army of angels walked with me through every hallway and office we entered today. And I know that was because of you. So please join with us as we thank God for His faithfulness and His willingness to hear our prayers.

There are a few more things that we need prayer for. There are some very important letters that most of the rest of our process relies on. Please pray that these letters are sent and received quickly so that we can move to the next step in our process. After that, the last step relies on the consent of one person. Please pray for God’s hand upon this individual and that their heart will be softened towards our situation. There is a very good possibility that we will have to return home without knowing whether or not these steps have taken place. We once again will have to walk in faith, believing that the Lord is working out everything according to His perfect plan.

In all that we have been through in the last few days with regards to paperwork and meetings and unknowns, I have felt it tough to remain focused on why we are really here. But in a meeting today I was grateful to be reminded…. It is all because of these beautiful children. The needs of these kids must always be the most important thing we consider as we move through our adoption process. That should always be our main concern in everything we do as parents, as guardians, as teachers, as adults trying to create a better world for the next generation. It is all about the children. Its kind of ridiculous as to how quickly I am able to forget this when faced with difficult situations, but I am glad that I have refocused my mindset and that I am ready to keep moving forward.

Plant a Garden

On a more specific note, throughout this entire journey we have met some incredible people who are working tirelessly, not only on our behalf, but on behalf of all the children here. Some people who have now become wonderful friends. Thank you, thank you for all that you do, even in uncertain circumstances. I know for a fact that the Lord is blessing the work of your hands.

For the rest of the week we will continue to help Dad with all of his work here and then we get to just be tourists. That’s pretty exciting!

Thanks again for following our journey. Until tomorrow, its time for some tea and then bed 😉