Tag Archives: Friends

When Mother’s Day is Difficult

11 May

Coffee, breakfast in bed, cards, flowers, brunch with Grandmothers, extra cuddles and “I Love You’s”. Everything that a day designed to celebrate being a Mother or having a Mother should be. But why does it hurt so much this year?

I have a few theories.

Over the last few years, we have had many families close to us experience the unimaginable loss of a child. Whether through an accident or illness, we seem to be unable to go very long without hearing of another Mother having to say goodbye to her beautiful child. I do not and will not ever understand how someone is able to withstand such a heartbreaking situation.

Thankfully, many of the women (and men) that I have watched walk through this devastation have done so with a tremendous amount of love, inspiration and hope. This is not to say that the emotions they feel are not overwhelming, heavy and very real; however they have graciously shared their journey and daily realities with those around them and they have leaned on the ever present shoulder of a loving God. I am continually amazed by the strength with which these parents draw from to face a world that is forever missing an important piece. I do not share these things to be heavy and depressing, but rather to honour these wonderful people in my life who have shown me what true love and pure hope looks like. My life is forever changed as a daughter and as a Mother because of these people and their journeys. I love a little harder, laugh a little longer and cry a little more openly just for them. Mother’s Day is different for me now in the light of their stories.

Likewise, it was a year ago that I stood in front of our church congregation and joyfully exclaimed that J-Sauce and I would be travelling to Africa for the first time. Because of the newly developing protocol in the country we are involved with, it was necessary for us to make that trip with the hope of being able to see things move along with our adoption. And while it was a gift in our adoption story and we were both forever changed by it…… It was a year ago. Another year has come and gone. We still have no news on our child. How is this possible?

Mama and Babe

I could take the time to speak of hope and trust and belief in The Lord’s timing (which I still firmly hold on to) but my heart just isn’t in it today. It physically hurts my heart to hope at this time.

But that’s okay because I know that this journey is not finished yet and there is work yet to be done in my own life before this child will join us and will call me Mommy.

As I ponder that day, sometimes hourly or even minute by minute, I am reminded of another very important reality involved in this story. And I feel horrifically selfish.

I am not the only Mother in this story. There is another. She will carry this child within her womb. She will hope and dream and worry about the hows and the whys and the whos for her child as it grows and moves within her belly. She might pray and beg The Lord for guidance. She is likely alone, scared, angry or disgusted by her situation. She maybe my age or she may only be child herself. Whatever the details of her life may be, there is one thing for certain: she will make a very difficult decision and her precious baby will one day become mine.

We will probably never know this Mother, but even now I am eternally tied to her. I may never be able to thank her for the beautiful gift that I will be given, but I will love her all the same.

Today is Mother’s Day and I am unable to put into actual English words the love that I have for my precious, sparkling and unique girls. This is a daily existence for me. I am forever thankful that I have been chosen to be their Mother for as long as God will allow me. But my heart and soul is torn. It is torn for Mother’s who will not be able to hold their children today. It is torn for the women who make the selfless decision to allow someone else to raise their treasures. It is torn for the women who long to become Mother’s and yet continue to be unable to do so. I have no answers for these feelings and that is alright. I think they are important feelings to have and to explore, however uncomfortable they are.

All I can do today, as my heart has moments of sadness, is to hang onto the promises of God and to trust in His good and perfect will. If I did not have that hope, I don’t know how else I could face this very difficult Mother’s Day.

A Waiting Bunny


Boost! The Liebster Award

8 May

I am much less than a casual blogger. I have aspirations of grandeur related to my abilities of consistency when it comes to posting. And while I have much to write about these days, I find myself hesitant. So thank goodness for Scarlett over at Pretty Pinteresting!! She’s given me just the push I need (in more ways than one!) to get writing and blogging.

Scarlett has graciously nominated me for The Liebster Award. The Liebster Award is an accolade passed around by bloggers with less than 500 followers. It’s a way to give bloggers an exposure boost! Liebster is a German term of endearment that translates to  sweetheart, beloved, or darling. My German/Lithuanian heart loves this more than you could know 😉

Liebster Award

To accept the award, a blogger must:

  • Make a post about the award, thanking the blogger that nominated you.
  • State 11 interesting facts about yourself.
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger that nominated you.
  • Nominate 11 new bloggers with 500 or less followers 
  • Write 11 new questions for your nominees.

SO! 11 interesting things about me……. Let’s see.

1. I REALLY love rainbows. I am passing this obsession on to my children, whether they like it or not. 

My OCD Manifestation

2. I am deathly afraid of clowns. Deathly. Number 1 fear. I will touch any creep, crawly creature, but keep the clowns away from me. 

3. Almost all of my best friends name’s start with L. Almost. Seriously Calla and Borowko, get your crap together. 

4. Tulips are my favourite flower. Koukenhof, Holland

5. I will take any excuse possible to spend time in the city.Summertime in Vancouver

6. But I grew up on Country music and revel in long drives on back roads with the wind in my hair. 

7. I have a Degree in English Literature and an extended Minor in Visual Arts. I dream about doing my Masters in either Children’s Literature or Art History. Smarty Pants!

8. To date, I have completed two full, and one half walking marathons. Legitimately crazy.

9. I am desperately passionate about the plight orphans around the world and yet am often crippled by my own passion and desire to make a difference. Where do you even start? Also, does anyone have Bono’s phone number? I am suppose to work with him on this and also to address the issue of the eradication of HIV/AIDS. I have big dreams.

10.  I currently have 5 part time jobs. Mama be hustlin’! 

11. My kids are honestly the coolest, funniest and most loving people I know. I take absolutely no credit for this. 

Double Trouble

And now the lovely Ms. Scarlett’s questions…..

What is your favourite Colour? Yellow!! 

What is the longest line you have ever stood in? The line to get into the General Admission Floor space at the 360 Degree U2 show in Vancouver. Several hours in the rain. Totally worth it! 

Stupidest question that people ask you? But why would you adopt if you know you can have your own kids?

Oreos or Ice cream? Ice cream!! Until my lactose intolerance flares up and I immediately regret that decision.

The best vacation you have ever taken? There have been very few up until now. Soooo….. my honeymoon in Hawaii!! So warm and relaxing.

Hotel or camping? Both! 

Your ideal day is? Spent with my family, involves healthy but delicious food, some exercise both physically and mentally, allows some room for creativity and meaningful conversations that enrich and feed my soul.

If you had your last meal, what would it be? Ah!! So tough….. my recent favourite is the Beet Salad and Pulled Pork Poutine at Bistro 72. This and a very expensive and well aged bottle of red.

Blogging or video blog? Blogging, for sure. I think my personality translates better in written word. At least, that’s what I’m hoping…..

What is the one secret you never wanted to tell anyone? Hmmm, I try very hard not to keep secrets. They lead to nothing good. Wait!! Maybe how much money I’ve spent on tattoos….. J-Sauce can only guess at this point 😉

The best business advice you were ever given? There is a difference between your professional life and your actual life. Be careful with where you place that line. I’m continually striving to become a more professional person in my business life. 

So now I nominate…..

What Would Audrey Wear?         Kids of the King       When I Eat       Lesley Stefanski       Full Time Life      Becoming Daily

 Straight Up Sisters         Amanda and Stephen     Tootsy Pops       Seeking Savhannah         The Smithographers

And my Questions to you:

Favourite Movie?

Favourite Band?

Favourite Book?

Wildest Dream?

What’s stopping you from pursuing that Dream?

Winter or Summer?

Cupcakes or Macarons?

Signature Fashion Staple?

Who is your Hero?

What is your greatest Fear?

If you could start and fund a charity tomorrow, what would it be?

Enjoy the Boost my lovely Liebsters! Happy Blogging!

SPECIAL MENTION: Red Dog Blue Kat, who snuck in under the wire.


5 Jul

Well I continue to try and be the very best me I can be, there are often traits I find in other people that I find so becoming and appealing that I begin to covet these qualities enough to make them my own. One, in particular, is the ability to be unwaveringly faithful. I have several friends who will do anything, for anyone, in the name of friendship. This is a beautiful and rare thing so I think that they deserve a shout out.

First, this dear individual I have known probably since I was five. We haven’t always been close but I have always admired her from a far. She is the definition of poise, style and ambition (at least on the outside!). Unless it comes to an inconsiderate customer service representative, who fails to honour her coupon, I cannot recall a time that I have ever heard her say a bad word about anyone. Even with her heavy school schedule and family commitments (of which she always puts first, causing me to love her even more) she continues to find a way to make time for her friends, especially when there is something to celebrate. If there is a wedding/baby shower to be attended, she is always there. If a birthday party is planned, I know I can always count on her. With a deliciously thoughtful and beautifully wrapped gift in hand, my dear friend never misses an opportunity to let someone know that she is thinking of them. I realise that this also gives her the perfect excuse to shop, but making the time in her schedule to be there for others is something I cannot say of all my friends. With her wedding forthcoming, I sincerely hope that I can be as helpful and willing to lend a hand to let her know just how much I care.

Secondly, a rare quality to find in a male friend, however nothing else but the word faithful would describe him the best. Whether I need a lift if my car breaks down or an extra set of hands when the kidlets are out of control, I know who’s number I should call first to get a committed “yes”! Now, I say should because I have always been very careful to never abuse this type of faithfulness. Case in point, my wedding. CD’s were made and labeled, forgotten items were found, ceremony and reception were recorded. It was amazing and I am eternally grateful for this. Even when he and his girlfriend moved halfway around the world, Christmas cards were sent and I knew I could count on a phone call every now and then to hear about their adventures. Everyone should have a friend like this. Better yet, everyone should BE a friend like this. I know that in my heart I will try to do my best.

Lastly, a dear and lovely soul who would never miss the opportunity just to call and say, “I was thinking about you this week. How are you?” How beautiful is that?  Her desire to know how your boring, ho hum, run of the mill day was, is genuine. I always appreciate her calls and love to hear how her week has been too. This is absolutely something I would love to be better at, to grow my relationship and to honour those close to me.

While I still can only be the best me that I can be, I think that trying to be a thoughtful and faithful friend is a good thing to strive towards. I encourage anyone who might catch me being anything less than such to give me a good, swift kick in the rear. Keep me humble and in line 😉

To my faithful friends, I thank you for being so. Please know that your actions and words have never gone unnoticed. I treasure each and everyone of you….. And know that I’ll always have your back in any and all surprise ninja attacks.

“A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference” ~ Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh

Time to be Inspired

23 Apr

Everyone needs a little pick-me-up every now and then, right? Something that gets us back on our feet, makes us feel content and peaceful, helps to inspire us. For some people its a nice long run. Others a big piece of chocolate cake!! For me, I’ve found what motivates me to keep on keepin’ on…

About a year ago, in the Spring of 2010, I made the decision to step out of my comfort zone and accept an open invitation from a friend to join a meet up group. I’m normally not so bold or courageous when it comes to meeting new people or taking the time to talk about myself, but I was really looking for something to kick me in the butt and to get me excited about life again.

So in a busy coffee shop with a cup of tea, every other Tuesday we met.

At first there was a large group of us sharing our dreams and fears, our ideas and setbacks. A good portion of our evenings were spent venting our frustrations or just laughing at the ridiculousness of the reality of trying to get through the day in one piece. But every time I walked back to my car in the warm night air I felt lighter, happier and more inspired to tackle my goals the next morning. I made new friends and connections, and gained invaluable insite into the lives of other woman who were dealing with exactly the same situations, emotions and struggles as I was.

As the summer approached and life got busier, there eventually were only three of us. But looking forward to those evenings was enough to get me through the week sometimes. We would usually flop down in our chairs and confess that we wish Tuesday had come sooner and then begin to spill our hearts all over the table.

I learned more about myself and who I truly want to be during those conversation and am eternally grateful that I accepted that inital invitation. And now its time to pay it forward…

I now extend the same invitation to YOU!! Not matter where you are in life with your family, business or everyday concerns, come and share your story with us. We will try to meet once every two weeks to keep each other motivated or simply to escape the chaos of our weeks. Once I have a good idea of how many woman are planning on coming, I’ll choose a location and an evening that works best for everyone.

I’ve been told that spending time with a group of woman releases the same feel good endorphines in our brain as eating some chocolate 😀 So save yourself the calories and still leave feeling satisfied…although there’s a good chance we’ll still eat some chocolate too!


25 Jan

These words have been stored in my heart for far too long now. There is no good reason as to why I’ve waited so long to share them. I guess its always a little difficult to share your deepest feelings….

Friendship hasn’t always come easy for me. I’ve always envied people who can walk into a room and instantly connect with those around them. I’ve always been a little shy and reserved on the inside; I try to pretend I’m outgoing for the sake those who could be a new friend 😉 Having my heart broken more than a handful of times has changed how I approach potential friendships. So, unfortunately, for many years I chose not to pursue opportunities to get to know people more intimately for fear that I could be hurt again.

So on the afternoon of Boxing Day 2008, I put up my guard again as this fabulous red head from my past years, where I had been a silly teenager, entered my home. There she stood, camera in hand, to take pictures of me at the fattest I had ever been in my life (pregnancy can do that to a person). My husband had stayed in touch with her over the years and had offered up my pregnant belly to her as she began a new professsion in photography. With her stylish wardrobe, a budding career in Interior Design and a Downtown condo, I figured there was no possible connection between us beside the summers we had spent together at Bible camp seemingly eons ago. Our afternoon together was pleasant and I thought nothing beyond the possibility of some cool shots of me before having a baby. Just over two years have past since that day and I’ve come to see how very wrong I was.

As my daughter was born, there were several more opportunities to get to know this wonderful person behind the camera. With her ease of conversation and generous spirit, I found myself looking for more opportunities to chat with her…. to get to know her again. My guard had begun to weaken and could it be? Was I allowing myself to form a new friendship?

I believe that I had finally started to realize what I treasure I had been given when a year ago she offered me an invitation to a coffee group. Through these face to face meetings with like-minded woman every few weeks, I was blessed to see just how wrong I had been about us having nothing in common. Occassional get togethers turned into daily morning chats (thanks to the magic that is Facebook!) And through these chats, and sporadic vents, I’ve come to value and cherish this beautiful woman and all that she embodies.

With a zest for truly living life and experiencing all the creative possibilities it holds, she has shared more with me than I could have ever imagined. By opening myself up to really get to know someone again, I have learned all about her amazing dreams and sucesses, along with her insecurities and disappointments. I have seen what it means to handle difficult situations with poise and grace while still being real enough to acknowledge that adversity can hurt. She has shown me what it means to be professional in any situation while still being able to laugh at the ridiculousness of everyday life. I have learned that it is alright to like fancy and beautiful things without feeling guilty about it. But that it truly is the simple things (like a cup of tea and good book) that bring real happiness. But the greatest gift that I could have been given is a new perspective of myself and how the real me feels about the people around me.

Under her guidance and kind words, I have learned that everyday IS a new day and that I really should not bother to stay hung up on the frustrations of yesterday; or even the frustrations of breakfast for that matter! I have learned the value of networking, even if a new relationship will only lead me to discovering a new band or learning how to try a new hairstlye (all useful things, right?) I’ve started to realize the joy of setting and accomplishing new goals. I’ve learned what contentment can be found through working with my hands and doing things for myself.  But what I am most thankful for is how she has made me feel about myself. Through the imperfections that I see in the mirror, her truthful and humbling words of encouragement have lead me to the realization that I am beautiful. Her work behind the camera and her words in front of it have unveiled pieces of who I truly am and who I continue to desire to be.

Sure, not every friendship is meant to be as meaningful or revolutionary as this, but as I have opened my heart to her I choose to see and take away only those things that are beneficial and uplifting to both of us. As our journey along life’s path continues, whether together or apart, my deepest desire and prayer is that I can give back to this friendship as much (or even more!) than she has given to me.

“Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another!”
— Jane Austen, Emma

I think it is vitally important to acknowledge the people in our lives who give us strength and hope everyday. My wish for all of you is that you would learn to open your heart to those around you and appreciate them for who God has created them to be. You never know what a casual acquaintance may have to offer as you make your way through another day.

To my dear, sweet friend: I pray that you will continue to discover all the joy and excitement that life and its new adventures have for you. Please know that you are deeply loved and appreciated and that I will always be ONE of your greatest admirers and loudest cheerleaders 😉 May the Lord bless and keep you; may His face shine upon you and give you peace.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
— Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey